he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
