Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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