I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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