I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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