The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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