As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
