My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
my poor anus
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
