So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
