when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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