I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
