I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
