Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
And then my night got REAL pukey
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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