Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize