I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Randomize
