peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I had to cum in my sink.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize