remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
