Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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