Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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