somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
