i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
sex in a hospital.. check
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
