i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
