I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
