ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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