508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
