I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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