guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize