We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
No subtext here. People are naked.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
