Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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