So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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