Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
