Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
