Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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