Can i not drive my cunt home
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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