Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
