Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
