I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Did I show you my penis last night?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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