im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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