dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
