I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
My life is pants optional.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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