She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
