i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
