Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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