the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
