I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
