there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
