Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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