For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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