do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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