My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Drake has all the answers
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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