U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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