at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
