He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
