I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
