They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
