i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
