ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
