some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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