I wannas sexs uuuuu
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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