The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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