Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
