it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
