When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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