I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He shit in the fireplace
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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