yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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