I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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