It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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