Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
