I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
