1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
