Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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