More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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