is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
