I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
smell my finger.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
