i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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