I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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