They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Are my feet made of real feet?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
